Do You Know What You Want?

Nope. But you know how you want to feel!

Four years ago, I was convinced that if I just got the hell out of the tiny town I grew up in, and got the big fancy job in the big fancy city, I would be happy. I could clearly see myself strutting importantly around an office, the too-busy-to-notice executive, perfect working mom: donning my uniform of slacks and heels every day in order to demonstrate my importance.

I pictured it. I got it. It didn’t make me happy. On the contrary, I was MISERABLE.

So two years ago, I decided that the thing that would make me happy was to be my own boss, running my own agency with people reporting to me. I had another clear picture in my head: a very important and busy entrepreneur, working early in the morning and late at night, and in between I was super mom.

I launched my agency, and I was none of those things…at least, not happily.

In fact, I have never achieved a goal or desire that I thought would make me happy thaDo You Know What You Wantt actually did make me happy. :-/

The news is not all bad, however: here’s a tip I got from my guide, which I happily pass along to whoever wants it: what I’d been doing for the last four years (well, really my whole life) is trying to create form – or, desire.

And frankly, I suck at form.

But you know what I am good at? Knowing what I want to feel.

See, I what I really always wanted was to feel secure, expansive, free, in charge, and special.

The trick is, he said, to separate what I feel from what I think I want, and then turn that over to Creation, God, The Universe, or whatever pet name for the Infinite, who will then provide the best form to give me that feeling.

The forms I chose to provide those feelings for me backfired. I felt more stressed, more out of control, more hemmed in, and really, really not special.

My desires never make me happy.  The truth is; I have no idea what will make me happy. And most of us don’t.

But we know what happy feels like. And if we can hold that in our hearts, and let go of the form, Creation will build it up around us in just the right time. And this I can promise: it will be beyond our wildest (happy) dreams.

I was given a really beautiful visual of this whole scenario: I saw my feelings as a seed; something magical I created all by myself. When I held it in my hand, palm open and outstretched, willing and trusting, I saw Creation as this swooping force that lifted it out of my palm, and planted it just over to the left of me (left is the receiving side of the body). Creation buried it, watered it, grew it, and loved it, until the seed, which is the feeling, grew into a massive field of grain. Creation then harvested this crop, and handed me a perfect bundle – form.

It’s so much easier than you think. It’s so easy that we make it hard for ourselves, because it just can’t be that easy! In truth, the hardest part is separating feeling from form. We have a deeply ingrained habit of jumping from feeling to form before we realized we’ve done it, so we have trouble separating the two.

My favorite time to practice this is at night, lying in bed before I fall asleep. I quietly go through my day, actively expressing gratitude for all the good things that happened, and mentally correcting the things that did not go so well. Then I say softly to myself:

“I’m feeling my way into…”

For me, nowadays, I am feeling my way into abundance on all levels. I’m feeling my way into physical abundance (material, money), emotional abundance (happiness and fulfillment, partnership, love), mental abundance (peace of mind), and spiritual abundance (sacred partnership with Spirit). I try to take these ideas out of my head, and let them sink into my heart as feelings. “What does this feel like?”

Never mind what it looks like. That’s Creation’s job. Mine is feeling. And I’m awesome at my job.

How do you want to feel? Can you take it back a step, and remove the form you think would fit around that feeling, and trust that Creation does form best?

With love,


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Comments 1

  1. Jane

    I enjoyed reading this. I worked in the Silicon Valley for awhile and hated nearly everything about it. I realized that environment is very important to me. I relocated to Nevada City and realized it was the right thing to do. Like you, I am currently trying to manifest good things in my life.

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