The Spiritual Explanation for When You Fall Apart

When I first got sober, the AA folks I mingled with told me about “the pink cloud”.  Apparently, it’s something all “newcomers” experience: they get sober, and suddenly everything is wonderful again.  Newcomers are happy, high on life, and floating on a “pink cloud”.  I was assured by a number of “old timers” that the pink would not last.  It could not last.

I was like…why not?

Actually, I still feel that way.  Why not?

There’s no reason on Earth or through the Cosmos that we cannot be blissfully happy all the time.

But humans: we’re lazy.  When we get content, we stall out.  And when we stall out, we unconsciously start looking for change, looking for the up-level.

The operative word here is “unconsciously”.

So, pain is how to universe gets our attention, and prods us along, giving us the opportunity to expand into our highest authenticity.

When we’re unconscious, the process is slower.  We get hit in the head a dozen times with the same two-by-four before we get the drift and make some changes in our life.

Now, when we’re a little more conscious (because we’re all mostly unconscious, I don’t care who you are, that’s part of being human) we start to live with intention and commitment.

Commitment!  We commit to living in partnership with Spirit, whatever your flavor tastes like.

That’s what I came to realize about the pink cloud in AA: it’s not that the cloud is an illusion.  It’s not that it doesn’t last.

It’s that pain shows up in our life again to get our asses moving because we have committed to our sobriety, committed to being a better human, to living a life of dignity and decency.  

So, that means all our baggage comes up for review and renewal.  All. Of. It.

It’s the same process no matter what path of expansion you choose.  When you commit to Spirit, your shit comes up.

And it comes up fast and furious – way more intensely than we’ve experienced it before.

And that, my love, is because YOU are READY to deal with it, walk through it, and let it go.

You’ve got Spirit at your back.  You’ve got truth in your pocket.  You’ve got the divine plan all mapped out behind your eyes.

And now all you have to do is fall into it.

Fall into everything that comes up for you.  Fall into your shame.  Your insecurities.  Your fears.  Your heartbreak.  Your grief.  Fall into the abyss like you’re falling into love.

Your only job is to stay with it, and not run away.

As long as you have the steely intention to stand in the fire, and let it burn away the remnants of your shadow, Spirit will walk side by side with you, fending off the flames that curl up to lick your legs and face.

I love that you’ve awakened.  I love that you’re hurting and flailing. I love that you’re reading this, right now.  Because Spirit says…baby…I got you.  Stand tall.  Walk forward.  One step.  That’s it.  I’ve got your hand.  Let the fucker burn. I got you.

Comments 2

  1. Geoff

    This is essentially true. But get a Sponsor. Have Friends and have a lot of phone numbers you can call… Isolating is one of the last stages before relapse. DO NOT ISOLATE. There is a diagnosis you may hear in the rooms of AA . You will never find it in a medical text. TERMINAL UNIQUENESS Can Kill you…..No matter how much shame you carry, you are no different than anybody else. Above all things, take this to heart. You are No Different. Keep it simple.

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