I was doing one of my favorite things; conversing with a friend about Karma and Reincarnation concepts, batting back and forth our slightly differing takes on the whole messy cosmic process. The sun was shining; I was amongst the trees and under a brilliant blue sky with fantastic pink clouds streaking across it, resembling an oil painting. I leaned back in the Adirondack to look up at that brilliance, and there was Monz, big and loud in that sky. He tossed a handful of material down on me: it looked like a medley of feathers and bones, and other ancient, shamanic ritualistic material. He said to me “it’s up to you how you put it all together.”
Fast-forward a few weeks, and I’m in stress mode: I’m traveling in the city and bouncing around a fair amount, and I am stresssssssed. At the time, I was trying to put together a class, and the numbers were just not coming in. As I struggled with a medley of fear, scarcity, and flailing self worth, I kept hearing him whisper…“patience”.
Anyone who has anything to with me for any amount of time susses out pretty quickly that patience is not one of my virtues (though many I may have!). So this wasn’t the helpful whisper I was looking for. I was busy without results. I was tired: tired of waiting. Patience. Sheesh.
Every so often, in the middle of the day, I am called away: all my waking energy seems to be sucked out of me, and I am compelled to a private place where I sit or lay down and close my eyes and go away. I suppose I’m meditating, because I’m not sleeping. But these ‘episodes’ are different than my typical daily routine, because I don’t particularly have the power of choice. I suppose I can power through these pulls, but I have come to recognize this as being summoned by Spirit, so I choose to allow it.
That day, after ignoring, or jeering at, the word “patience” which insisted in my ear, I was summoned. Woomp!
I lay down and closed my eyes, breathing deeply, dropping slowly down into my meditation, and finally allowing the word to wash over me again and again, and it became like warm waves of the ocean…
As I dropped down (or maybe up? I can never tell. It’s like null gravity out there, up can be down, sideways or anything in between), I started to see…me.
I saw myself living each moment of my life all at once, over, and over, and over again. And many moments were slightly different. I was me, in this body, with this mind, again, and again, and again, doing things a little differently, making slightly different decisions, shifting my life’s direction incrementally, over and over and over again.
And then I understood: I get to have all the patience in the world…with me, with my surroundings, with my loves: because I’ve done this same life hundreds, maybe thousands of times. I’ve had the same and similar conversations with the same souls in the same bodies countless times, and each time, I get a little better, I inch a little closer to perfection.
See, what I was being shown is this: in addition to being incarnate in a thousand forms in a thousand eras, we re-live every single moment NOW until we find perfection within the moment: until we experience every piece of this moment in every possible way. So, I cannot get it wrong, and I will get it “right”…which is just to say, the experience of Ingrid will be perfected. In fact, it is perfect: now, and in all other moments, dimensions, or slices of time, or however this whole cosmic mess works.
So why not be patient? He asked me. And then he tossed all those feathers and stones and sticks on me again.
I’ve got a whole arsenal of tools, challenges, strengths and gifts, and I get to put them together any way I want. Spirit showed me a rerun of various moments I’ve lived before in this body: many not very pleasant, but with a comforting message: we only have to experience it that way once. So the video playing in my head, watching myself blow it left and right, the message is I’ve already done that. Once you do manage to outgrow an old modality, you are done. You know better.
Now take a look at your life: how much growing and experiencing have you done? How much do you get to leave behind, now? How much have you left behind already?